People believe it because people are stupid. Apparently, that’s adequate now.”

― A.S. King, Please Ignore Vera Dietz

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One Variation on People Pleasing

Merging. One to please someone is to be like them. Here you aren’t just trying to be what another person wants you to be, you are trying to be a copy of them. If they are upset by something, you should be, too. If they are happy, you should be happy. The way to please them is to merge with them. If you have this variation, you are likely to merge with one special person–a parent, a sibling, a lover, a spouse. Sometimes both people have this pattern; they are merged with each other. There are a number of ways to merge: (1) Searching inside to find the part of you that feels like the other person,. (2) Assuming you feel the same as they do. (3) Distorting what you feel to make it the same. When the two people actually feel differently, this can be confusing.

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